So drunk its hurt
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
