I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
