Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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