Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
