just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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