hotel room ftw
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
