So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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