I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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