bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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