my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize