nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
