she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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