did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize