I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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