New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
