Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
