he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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