I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I currently don't understand fingers.
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