The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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