my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
