I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
