Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
