I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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