i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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