wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
