Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
