I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
