I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
