did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
