I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i will never coherently bang her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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