Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
