so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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