WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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