I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize