okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
