I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
