Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
