I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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