Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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