I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
