Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
