i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
