Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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