I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
