You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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