what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
