Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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