Whod you bang
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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