honey bunches of taint.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
