hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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