dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
