i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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