i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
