Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
