I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
