so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize