I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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