I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
