Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
