i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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