There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
