Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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