Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
