I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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