i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
