I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
