So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
