What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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