I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
