i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
