Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
