So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
