is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
