Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
