Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's get the cat blown out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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