Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His nipple licking is glorious
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