It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
