Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
