literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
