Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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