He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
