She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
