this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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