but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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