My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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