i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
