I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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