I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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