ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
