mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
