tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
