She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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