Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
