We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
