maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
