i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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