I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize