I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
