He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
