Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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