i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
