I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
