you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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