I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
