I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
