What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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