some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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